This is and will forever be the most poignant of the Twelve Steps for me. It was after I humbled myself and begged God to help me that my life was forever changed...I had to willingly make a total surrender of my will and my life. I had to admit that I no longer had any power to fix or change my son. This seems like such a huge task and IT IS, after all I'm a mom and moms are supposed to fix all things and make everything better! However, for me, it was exactly what I (and my son) needed. I had been in Al-anon for 11 months when I totally surrendered. I thought I had already taken this step and was on to others, but when a situation presented itself and I was desperate beyond measure, I quickly realized I was in over my head and I could no longer pretend that I was or could handle the situation. It was at this time that I remember sitting in my car sobbing and begging God to take this situation away from me and I GAVE IT TO HIM right there in my car as I lay draped over my steering wheel!!!! A few hours later I was given my answer and to this day I know that the answer was presented to me by my Higher Power because I willingly surrendered.
My life has continued and I still encounter issues daily but now I approach those issues in a better and healthier way. Today I have learned to willingly make a daily decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power and know that I am willing to accept His will for me no matter what that may be...after all, it is clear that for years my will had not been working. It is only when I totally surrender and listen to what He is telling me that I feel peace and serenity. I have learned that surrender does not mean submission...it means I am willing to stop doing God's will and do only my part. I heard a very wise woman say that surrendering was like God saying, "Be still child
~~ "I can hold on to my will until the situation becomes so painful that I am forced to submit, or I can put my energy where it can do me some good right now, and surrender to my Higher Power's care" Courage to Change-One Day at a Time in Al-anon II
