How to stay "On the Beam": Step 10

As a three time re-tread in Al-anon, I could be called hard headed for sure. Now, having had a few Al-anon anniversaries I am amazed that some concepts still come very slow to me. A couple of years ago, being stuck still obsessing when my alcoholic relapsed, I had to change up my program. I got a new sponsor in a Big Book Study group -- her program was much more regimented than I had been used to before. I realized that for me too much "take what you like and leave the rest" attitude in me just lead to resting on my laurels. Step 10, before my change-up, was either non-existent or something I did in solitary prayer and meditation. In re-doing my steps with my new sponsor and after having release of my obsession in step 3, we got to the maintenance steps of 10, 11, 12. Now I just get to coast like before, I thought--easy peasy!

As my sponsor described how she does step 10 to me, I realized it was a real continued examining of my conscience in real time. Yikes!! It was suggested that if at anytime I felt "disturbed," I would either send a text form of step 10 to my sponsor (for minor issues) or call her or another recovered Al-anon to work a step 10 over the phone. The text would occur after asking God to remove fear, resentment, dishonesty and selfish behaviors. I then explain in a few words what has me disturbed and then tell her what form of service I will do (reaching out to newcomer etc). These instructions come from the Big Book of AA on page 84.

I am not perfect at this, but what this does for me is take care of issues before they fester or snowball. I ask God immediately to remove my character defects. With the help of my sponsor, in more serious issues where I have harmed someone else I can make an amends quickly. It keeps my sanity returned and I am not tempted by a need to fix, manage and control. I react more sanely and normally -- automatically. This is a miracle but I have to do my part--the working of step 10.

It works, it really does!